Okay look. Today someone asked me, “have you talk to so & so lately?” I just looked at them, and said no. I didn’t wanna think about it. I tried to ignore it. But in the car, I told my mom that I missed my best friend. I try, I really really try. How is this suppose to work if you won’t even make the effort to talk to me. It breaks my heart how I write I pour my heart out to you, already knowing you won’t read it. You were my best friend even when I wasn’t being a good friend. You forgave me when there were times you shouldn’t have. Why? If I could take back anything, I would. You were my best friend ever since ‘06, and now that time has passed I feel like our friend ship has just been flushed down the toilet. I just want my best friend back. When push came to shove, you stayed by my side. When I was put in a position where I had to “chose sides”, you stayed by my side. I was blind and only thinking of myself and the group. What about your happiness? I made it seem like that didn’t matter, I was just lying to myself. I always said, “if you’re happy, I’m happy.” I’m sorry. I just wanted you to be happy, and you were. I didn’t see that. I was being stupid. You were my best friend for so long, we were inseparable. Now its like we’re strangers, whoever thought I’d see the day where we werent friends. My best memories were with you, my favorite stores were with you. You understood me. Sometimes I wonder if you ever wish that were best friends again. You taught me to think befire I act, to always be the bigger person, to apologize first no matter whose fault it was. Sometimes I just wanna take two steps back and pick up where we left all. When it was all smiles, where arguing wasn’t even in the picture. Those days are truly unforgettable and irreplaceable. I don’t care what happened before, I don’t even wanna think about. We both know who fucked up, we both know WE both fucked up. Its over and done, passed is passed. We both could have been the better of friends. You were a big part of me, and helped me through stuff that I will never forget. I don’t want to throw a big part of me down the drain just like that. I was stupid for not realizing it in the beginning, and only waiting till the end, when only it was too late. I feel like its already too late to fix our friendship. If I could change anything, it would be the way everything happened. Stupid decisions, stupid words, hiding behing the truth, ignoring it. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best friend that I promised I would always be. Having my best friend back would make all the difference in the world to me. I look up at my all, our pictures, inside jokes, and the “cards.” It just kills me that I will never be able to repeat those memories again. I’m sorry things had to end this way, I hope one day sooner or later we’ll be able to talk again. I’m sorry. What I’m really trying to say is .. I miss you. *tears ..
